Love vs Hate

love is blind, so with no eyes i fell deeply into it; weepingly my tears cried sorrows of pain he or she could never understand.

as i dived into his cold hearted pool of misery, i swam & i swam searching for that four letter word, as i tried to catch my breath he took my oxygen as well as my soul.


becoming numb and fearful i began to wonder but my thoughts were stolen by his actions and his manupulating demons.


my body fiend for more of him as he was slowly killing my worth, i simply liked the feeling of his arrogant comfort.


my arms grew weary as i tugged on him to hold me tight, i layed in his bed searching for this four letter word, but all i seem to find was another four letter word which connected to his addictions which his addictions connected to lust.


i watched him get up and leave after he busted a nut he wasn't satisfied with just pleasing me, so i found him touching them in all the same ways he touched me, he even whispered the same whispers.


shattered memories, a broken fuse, baby i've been had the blues; i just choose to smile through all the bullshit.


you see i can't eat nor sleep and when my mind wanders off to sleep i dream of him being a creep, a creep in my upper right thigh and a creep in her upper left thigh.


when the sun arose it quickly set, the days were short & nights long.


to think of him and his self pity addictions made me sick to my stomach; throwing up vomit that looked like a reflection of the same trend my mother set a long time ago when she went down this road.


naive was what mistake she made and now i'm scratching at the same scab that once was healed but now i've revealed a whole other side of my generational curse.


mistake after mistake, i really know that things won't change but i like the fact of staying the same because it's easier then letting go of being tamed.


ima firm believer in this four letter word, but this four letter word can't stand stand me; cause everytime i let this high tower of a wall down that damn enemy of what we call a man creeps up and he has me put on this gown of insecurity that sooner or later has me bound to the fact that i may never be nothing but a low down insecure woman.


so today i must say, i'm breaking what my mother started and once ended,


i will no longer be your insecurity blanket


i will no longer be your open door of wounds


i will no longer be there for you to use me and abuse me


i will no longer spread my legs as if i'm your only woman, because god knows i was one of your women


i will no longer be afraid to leave you


i will be the woman i always was & you will be the ignorant little boy who thinks he's a man but deep down you have no plan and one day i pray you see a way out of this four letter word you call hate but i was blind to think that this four letter word was love.





i dedicate this poem to my mother and to any woman who has ever been in a bad relationship, eventually we make it out, don't fear to love again; let go & let god.